Sunday, January 16, 2011

A new year, a new post!

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written a new blog post.  It's amazing how we get side tracked in life and become obsessed with trying to find something that may not exist. At least not at that very moment.  I had been in search of finding myself and during that search I met a man whom I thought I could possibly fall in love with.  Have you ever met someone and you just instantly felt this connection? You weren't quite sure what it was, it felt good, and kept you hungry for more. Well that's what I felt! When I was with him it was like nothing else mattered.  My phone could be dead meat because the only person I needed was right there.  I didn't care what we did as long as we were together.  The sex wasn't just sex with him, it was amazing! It was slow and passionate, meaningful love making.  For the first time in a long time a MAN stole my heart.  I lost track of everything else and all I saw, spoke, and breathed was this man.  A month later Im pretty sure he stole someone else's heart because he stepped on mine and walked out of my life.  He became a complete stranger to me, he was no longer the beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside.  Instead played mind games and his troubled emotions became apparent.  He wouldn't tell me how he was feeling, what he was thinking, and half the time ignored my calls and texts.  It was like this stone wall went up. His eyes were dark and cold, his touch was still filled with love, but his mind was some where else.  I couldn't accept that this man just wanted to go hang out with his friends and have fun over being with me.  I felt like he did those things to take his mind off of what was really bothering him- and what that is I may never know.  Needless to say it hurt my heart to lose him.  I don't regret it, and I don't hate him for hurting me.  He was special and still is.  I had an amazing experience with him and learned a lot.  The problem is, I lost sight of my own life.  My passions, my hobbies, my work, my friends....all so very unhealthy.  So how do you maintain balance?  When you find something new and its wonderful, you get excited and forget about everything old. Do you meditate? Pray about it? Or can you simply enjoy it for the time you have it, because we all know that nothing lasts forever.

1 comment:

  1. omg, u took the words right out my mouth, the feeling right out my soul, u played my story like a script recited.. but we live n learn ive learned somtimes u have 2lose yourself to find yourself