Friday, January 21, 2011

Letting Go

Why does it have to be so hard to be friends with someone, after you've had a sexual relationship with them?  It's clear that relationship isn't working, but yet I can't seem to let it go and just be friends.  Everything that I loved about that person is GONE, our sex that was once amazing is now just sex, and when I see this person it's not as exciting as it used to be.  In fact, I've even met other men that appeal to me. I need a solution to this problem- how can I put this person into a friendship category?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What am I in search of?

Sometimes as I'm sitting in traffic I dream off and get these ideas of what in my life I need or want to change.  Some things are realistic and some things are just so ridiculous.  I imagine my life with or with out certain people, career changes, location, and even events.  Though it's perfectly healthy to day dream- I feel as though sometimes my mind gets so caught up in what I want because of how amazing it was in my dreams!  Things that are out of my control begin to effect me because I become obsessed with making it a reality.  Relationships that are unhealthy are never just left and ended- I imagine things differently and hold onto those visions as if one day they will become as I imagined.  Call me a dreamer, or just crazy. As a child our parents read us these fairytales which are the reason we dream and play "make believe."  So as an adult, why can't we still play make believe?
The answer to that is simple.  We will never find what we are looking for if all we do is pretend.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

A new year, a new post!

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written a new blog post.  It's amazing how we get side tracked in life and become obsessed with trying to find something that may not exist. At least not at that very moment.  I had been in search of finding myself and during that search I met a man whom I thought I could possibly fall in love with.  Have you ever met someone and you just instantly felt this connection? You weren't quite sure what it was, it felt good, and kept you hungry for more. Well that's what I felt! When I was with him it was like nothing else mattered.  My phone could be dead meat because the only person I needed was right there.  I didn't care what we did as long as we were together.  The sex wasn't just sex with him, it was amazing! It was slow and passionate, meaningful love making.  For the first time in a long time a MAN stole my heart.  I lost track of everything else and all I saw, spoke, and breathed was this man.  A month later Im pretty sure he stole someone else's heart because he stepped on mine and walked out of my life.  He became a complete stranger to me, he was no longer the beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside.  Instead played mind games and his troubled emotions became apparent.  He wouldn't tell me how he was feeling, what he was thinking, and half the time ignored my calls and texts.  It was like this stone wall went up. His eyes were dark and cold, his touch was still filled with love, but his mind was some where else.  I couldn't accept that this man just wanted to go hang out with his friends and have fun over being with me.  I felt like he did those things to take his mind off of what was really bothering him- and what that is I may never know.  Needless to say it hurt my heart to lose him.  I don't regret it, and I don't hate him for hurting me.  He was special and still is.  I had an amazing experience with him and learned a lot.  The problem is, I lost sight of my own life.  My passions, my hobbies, my work, my friends....all so very unhealthy.  So how do you maintain balance?  When you find something new and its wonderful, you get excited and forget about everything old. Do you meditate? Pray about it? Or can you simply enjoy it for the time you have it, because we all know that nothing lasts forever.